You’ll find a maid of honor at most every wedding ceremony, but a matron of honor isn’t exactly a given. Are they wildly different titles? Well, no. In fact, they’re almost the exact same. The only difference is marital status, with a maid of honor traditionally being unmarried and a matron of honor being married.
Technically, if your maid of honor is married, she’s a matron of honor. We say technically because, while it is true, it’s not often a distinction that’s made, especially if it’s a younger married maid of honor. This is all sort of semantic, but still worth knowing when planning your big day and choosing the members of your wedding party. To better understand the full differences between the maid of honor and the matron of honor, keep on reading.
Outfit Your Leading Ladies in Gorgeous Wedding JewelryThe Maid of Honor Tradition
The tradition of having a maid of honor dates back centuries. Historically, this role was filled by the bride’s best friend or sister, who served as both emotional support and a witness to the marriage. The term “matron of honor” emerged when weddings became more formalized and married women took on this role. Today, both terms are used interchangeably in many cases, with the bride’s preference taking precedence over traditional definitions.
Duties of the Maid/Matron of Honor (MOH)
Whether that MOH stands for a maid or a matron of honor, both basically do the same thing. Both can have the honor of holding onto your wedding band (assuming you’re giving the wedding bands to the best man or best woman and maid of honor – there are other options), keep you calm and are generally your Swiss Army Knife for all things wedding-related both beforehand and on the day itself.
The maid or matron of honor often takes on several key wedding planning responsibilities leading up to and during the wedding day. These may include:
- Planning and hosting the bachelorette party and working with other bridesmaids to create a memorable celebration for the bride.
- Assisting with the bridal shower, often collaborating with the mother of the bride or other family members and close friends.
- Going dress shopping with the bride and helping her choose her wedding dress, bridesmaid dresses and accessories.
- Coordinating with other bridesmaids on attire, hair and makeup for the wedding day.
- Acting as a liaison between the bride and the wedding party to ensure everyone is informed and prepared.
- Helping the bride get ready on the big day — from dressing to last-minute touch-ups.
- Holding the bride’s bouquet during the ceremony and adjusting her veil or train as needed.
- Signing the marriage certificate as a witness alongside the best man.
- Giving a toast or speech during the wedding reception, sharing memories and well wishes for the newlyweds.
They don’t both have to give a speech or do all the traditional MOH duties, but they absolutely can. There are not really a lot of hard and fast rules on this one, so just do what you think is going to make the most sense when assigning duties to your MOH. It’s your wedding, after all!
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Which Should You Choose?
This is really just a personal preference! Oftentimes, a maid of honor is a sister or close childhood friend, but you may have a mentor (or your mother) who you want standing up there with you. Really, the only criteria are that the person in question is important to your life, dependable and able to fulfill the requirements of the MOH position.
When selecting between a maid or matron of honor, consider your relationships and wedding party dynamics. While your closest friend might seem the obvious choice, don’t overlook married friends or family members who could bring valuable experience. Your chosen MOH should be someone you can count on throughout the planning process and on your wedding day.
The most crucial aspect is selecting someone who will support you fully as you prepare to say “I do.” Whether maid or matron, your honor attendant should be a person who can keep you calm under pressure, commit the necessary time to their duties and potentially deliver a heartfelt maid of honor speech at the wedding reception. Ultimately, the title matters less than the support and love your chosen MOH brings to your perfect wedding day.
Can You Have Both?
Yes, absolutely! There are plenty of great reasons to have both. One of the biggest perks of having both is that you double the amount of immediate support you have at your disposal. You can hand duties off to each of them as it makes sense to do so.
Consider adding a matron of honor to your wedding for her experience. Likely, a matron of honor is older and has been married a while. She’s probably seen her share of weddings (not to mention her own) and so she’s got some helpful tips that your unmarried friends just might not think about – unless they’re wedding planners, of course.
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When Should You Have Both?
Well, you can have both anytime you like, but there are certain times it makes more sense to do so. If you’ve got a large bridal party – like double digits large – you may find that having both versions of the MOH available to you is really useful. The two can split the responsibilities. One can run the logistics, and the other can help you pick out your wedding jewelry. Alternatively, one can focus on the bachelorette party while the other focuses on your bridal shower.
Really, this is just a divide-and-conquer scenario. If you feel like having a second set of hands will be beneficial at your wedding, include both. The more the merrier for your big day!
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Remember — your wedding party should reflect your personal relationships and preferences. Whether you opt for a maid of honor, matron of honor or both, the most important factor is surrounding yourself with people who will make your wedding day truly special.
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